He ain't right! | advice, advice, love and relationships | Scene In The City™
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Sunday, October 11, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
One of Love's Defining Moments
I've often been quoted as saying "I'm in love with being in love". Anyone whose ever had a romantic relationship with me will admit that when I'm in love, I'm at my happiest. Anyone whose ever worked with me knows that when I'm in love with a job that I'm doing, I'm at my most productive. Whatever it is or whoever it is, I give my best when things are at its best.
But then there's the down side. Its what I call "Love's defining moment". Its when the last straw has been laid on the camel's back and there is no turning back. It's spoiled. It's tainted. It's done.
I don't like that part of love. It seems that I can never remember the moment I fell in love, but can always remember the moment I fell out of it.
With one person, it was the moment that they finally admitted that marriage was something they never wanted. With another it was the moment they admitted thatthey loved me more than they loved themselves. With another it was the moment they said they would do for themselves before they would do for me. For another it was the moment they raised a hand to strike me. For the one that meant the most-my mother-it was the moment I realized that all of the pain and suffering I had gone through was based on a lie.
There have been many. Because I am "in love with being in love", I love hard. But when its gone, it's gone-no turning back.
There are many defining moments in our lives. No matter good or bad, try to remember them because in some small way, they help to define who we are, what we stand for, and ultimatly who we will be.
But then there's the down side. Its what I call "Love's defining moment". Its when the last straw has been laid on the camel's back and there is no turning back. It's spoiled. It's tainted. It's done.
I don't like that part of love. It seems that I can never remember the moment I fell in love, but can always remember the moment I fell out of it.
With one person, it was the moment that they finally admitted that marriage was something they never wanted. With another it was the moment they admitted thatthey loved me more than they loved themselves. With another it was the moment they said they would do for themselves before they would do for me. For another it was the moment they raised a hand to strike me. For the one that meant the most-my mother-it was the moment I realized that all of the pain and suffering I had gone through was based on a lie.
There have been many. Because I am "in love with being in love", I love hard. But when its gone, it's gone-no turning back.
There are many defining moments in our lives. No matter good or bad, try to remember them because in some small way, they help to define who we are, what we stand for, and ultimatly who we will be.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Toys for Boys
I don't care how old a man gets, there is always that little kid inside of him that is thrilled to the core when presented a new "toy".
Whether its a new universal remote, a new hair clipper kit, or a new car (especially a new car), they will spend endless hours learning the ends and outs of it (and they'll stay out of trouble-if only for a little while).
They say you can't buy love. But its never been said that you can't celebrate love. Sometimes it takes an occasional gift to bring the spark back into his eyes. And in doing so, you will smile knowing that you are the source of that joy.
So on a day that is not a holiday or a special occasion, surprize your boy with a brand new toy. He'll love you for thinking of him, and you will feel the love ten times over!
Whether its a new universal remote, a new hair clipper kit, or a new car (especially a new car), they will spend endless hours learning the ends and outs of it (and they'll stay out of trouble-if only for a little while).
They say you can't buy love. But its never been said that you can't celebrate love. Sometimes it takes an occasional gift to bring the spark back into his eyes. And in doing so, you will smile knowing that you are the source of that joy.
So on a day that is not a holiday or a special occasion, surprize your boy with a brand new toy. He'll love you for thinking of him, and you will feel the love ten times over!
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Relationships-Is he/she the one for you?
At the end of the day, we are who we are. We can "modify" and "adapt",but we don't really change who we are. The good in all of as well as the bad has always existed within;it just takes certain experiences to bring those things out in us.
Too many times we feel as though we can change our loved ones. But, if we do not accept who they are in the first place then we must admit that they are not really for us. God created us all-so who are we to think that we can re-create another person?
Sure, we can assist, rehabiliate, teach, request, demand...and the list goes on;but the change in actions that another person makes is by choice,not necessarily by nature.
If you are with someone and feel that they could be much much better-then, of course, try to help them. But don't be disappointed if change isn't happening. And if all attempts fail, don't be afraid to realize that perhaps the person you are with may not be the person who is meant for you.
If you think about it, there were clues when you first began dating the person. Back then you probably didn't want to admit it-you felt that he/she would change or that those little pet-peave irritators would be something you could tolerate. But let me just tell you that if that was the case then you may have overlooked people that were actually more compatable with you.
Be fair AND honest with yourself. The truth hurts-but feeling unhappy and misplaced hurts far more.
Too many times we feel as though we can change our loved ones. But, if we do not accept who they are in the first place then we must admit that they are not really for us. God created us all-so who are we to think that we can re-create another person?
Sure, we can assist, rehabiliate, teach, request, demand...and the list goes on;but the change in actions that another person makes is by choice,not necessarily by nature.
If you are with someone and feel that they could be much much better-then, of course, try to help them. But don't be disappointed if change isn't happening. And if all attempts fail, don't be afraid to realize that perhaps the person you are with may not be the person who is meant for you.
If you think about it, there were clues when you first began dating the person. Back then you probably didn't want to admit it-you felt that he/she would change or that those little pet-peave irritators would be something you could tolerate. But let me just tell you that if that was the case then you may have overlooked people that were actually more compatable with you.
Be fair AND honest with yourself. The truth hurts-but feeling unhappy and misplaced hurts far more.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Joy Stealers
Sometimes your better-half tries to steal your joy. I don't know if it's something that they are just going through, if they are unhappy with themselves, or they just want to be plain mean. But whatever the reason, if you just turn it around on them and make them understand how stupid they are being instead of being a victim and just taking it, you'll come out on top.
I've dealt with several disfunctional relationships. I dealt with this one guy for 11 years off and on, and if I learned nothing else from that experience I learned #1 not to back-track to relationships that are over and done with and #2 a person will only do to you what you allow them to do.
Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself and just be brave enough to suffer (or relish) in the consequences. Have standards-if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.
Name calling, for instance, is a definite"no-no" in my book. I think it's childish, it's insensitive, it's insulting, and it just shows that the person calling you the names is an idiot-plain and simple. If you are called a "Dumb ass" for instance, and the one who is calling you that name is in fact not smarter than you, then you should just laugh in his/her face because I suppose that's the best they could come up with.
And if they are insulting you on the amount of money you make, but they themselves actually depend on you (wheter they want to admit it or not), then you should just take in consideration that you are in a better position than they are and that they are just mad because they can't match your strength, so they try to knock you off balance.
It's called verbal and emotional abuse. Look it up. It's a sickness that they have and unfortunatly, so many of these people exist in the world. To stoop to name calling shows a lack of communication skills and/or vocabulary skills. Ask them to take an IQ test, and see who comes out on top. Typically, it's the one who does not call names, does not bully, and can make it on their own if the other one leaves. They pick on you because they know that you are better than them and it makes them feel good to piss on you-when in fact, the world is pissing on them.
Stay strong and believe in yourself. Don't believe the things they say to you because why would you believe an idiot?
Let go and let God.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Fashionable Education
For the past few years (and even twenty years ago when I was in school), the topic of fashion for pre-teens and teenagers has been a very controversal one. Peer pressure, economic status, entertainment influence, and competition have been some of the sub-topics that have centered around the discussion of whether or not public schools should enforce a uniformed dress code.
Mine is a simple take on the topic; I think wearing uniforms in the schools are a good thing.
For one, if all the students conform to one standard code of uniform, there will be less competition in terms of who dresses better than who. Children who come from families that are on the lower end of the economic toll would be equal to those more fortunate, and economic status won't factor into what is already a difficult stage in adolence.
Some would argue that children will find one way or another to still compete with each other. If they can't pick on each other about whose clothes are more in style or more expensive, then they will begin to pick on other things (whose "ugly" and whose "cute", etc.). But that's where more parental influence comes into play. You teach your child that everyone is beautiful in his or her own way, and you make sure that they understand that getting along with each other and accepting people for who they are could, in fact, bring more peace in the school systems and therefore in the community.
These days, even the richer families find themselves struggling with higher gas prices, food costs, and the cost of living.
Russell E. Eppinger wrote an article in 2001 titled "SCHOOL UNIFORMS: Does What Students Wear Really Make A Difference?". In it, he discussed the freedoms of public school systems dress codes-very few restraints and the tendacy to go above and beyond the expectatons; body piercings, trench coats (this was mentioned in referece to the Columbine incident), and how in hotter months girls showed more of their body. These were some of the negative reasons as to why uniforms would be a good thing. In fact, the government stepped in and pretty much left it up to the individual schools whether or not they would enforce uniforms in their dress codes.
I recently wrote an article about how the kids were wearing their pants hanging down and exposing their underware. This problem is one that I am very passionate about. I twinge at the sight of guys (and girls) wearing their pants hanging down and exposing boxers or thongs. I've even had the unfortunate experience of seeing adults wearing their cloths in this same manner. Enforcing school uniforms would cut down on this discrase.
Even though a lot of the public schools have enforced the uniform policy, some parents are still very much against it. But I would like to point out that buying uniforms could cut down on the costs of clothing, and in times like these that's a good thing. And not only does this save money, but it also promotes school spirt and takes away from distractions so that the students can concentrate more on education.
I am in no way stating that enforcing and participating in school uniforms will solve all the problems that exist inside of the schools, but it will be one less thing that will factor in. Also, schools could possibly get more funding from outside sponsors if they "look the part".
In schools where the majority of the children are living in poverty, uniforms could take away from a lot of the stress of trying to "compete with the Jones'". Khaki pants and a black top doesn't scream out "My family earns $100,000 per year whereas yours only earns $25,000". What it does is scream out "We are the same and we are here for the same thing, so let's focus on the good things and not the negative ones".
I have a cousin who is totally against schools enforcing uniforms. She's very fashion conscious and is thrilled that her kids have "fly" clothing. Her family is on the lower economic latter, but they find great deals on discout name brand clothes and it seems that what they wear, at times, defines who they are preceived to be. I think this is materialistic, and the problem arizes when she is willig to spend a lot of money on clothing even when there is little or no food in the home. So once again, I have to think that school uniforms will allow for families to spend the money more wisely, and eventually this could assist us in getting out of our financial bottomless pits.
Three pair of black pants, two pair of khaki pants, four to five black polo shirts, and of course socks,t-shirs, and underwear along with two or three pair of nice shoes should tie up a lot of wasted money. And these are clothes that can be passed down to the younger sibblings if their school uses the same uniform colors. If you wash the clothes once a week and really take care of them, they could last the entire school year and save tons and tons on seasonal clothes shopping. And let's be honest...wearing uniforms will teach out children to look professioal, which will help them when they grow up and enter the work force.
There are a lot of positive reasons for supporting uniforms in the schools. A lot more than the ones I've stated.
Here's the Q and A:
1-Do you support uniforms in schools.
2-If so, why?
3-If not, why?
Those are the Questions, now let's hear your answers.
Copyright ©2008 Attica Lundy
Mine is a simple take on the topic; I think wearing uniforms in the schools are a good thing.
For one, if all the students conform to one standard code of uniform, there will be less competition in terms of who dresses better than who. Children who come from families that are on the lower end of the economic toll would be equal to those more fortunate, and economic status won't factor into what is already a difficult stage in adolence.
Some would argue that children will find one way or another to still compete with each other. If they can't pick on each other about whose clothes are more in style or more expensive, then they will begin to pick on other things (whose "ugly" and whose "cute", etc.). But that's where more parental influence comes into play. You teach your child that everyone is beautiful in his or her own way, and you make sure that they understand that getting along with each other and accepting people for who they are could, in fact, bring more peace in the school systems and therefore in the community.
These days, even the richer families find themselves struggling with higher gas prices, food costs, and the cost of living.
Russell E. Eppinger wrote an article in 2001 titled "SCHOOL UNIFORMS: Does What Students Wear Really Make A Difference?". In it, he discussed the freedoms of public school systems dress codes-very few restraints and the tendacy to go above and beyond the expectatons; body piercings, trench coats (this was mentioned in referece to the Columbine incident), and how in hotter months girls showed more of their body. These were some of the negative reasons as to why uniforms would be a good thing. In fact, the government stepped in and pretty much left it up to the individual schools whether or not they would enforce uniforms in their dress codes.
I recently wrote an article about how the kids were wearing their pants hanging down and exposing their underware. This problem is one that I am very passionate about. I twinge at the sight of guys (and girls) wearing their pants hanging down and exposing boxers or thongs. I've even had the unfortunate experience of seeing adults wearing their cloths in this same manner. Enforcing school uniforms would cut down on this discrase.
Even though a lot of the public schools have enforced the uniform policy, some parents are still very much against it. But I would like to point out that buying uniforms could cut down on the costs of clothing, and in times like these that's a good thing. And not only does this save money, but it also promotes school spirt and takes away from distractions so that the students can concentrate more on education.
I am in no way stating that enforcing and participating in school uniforms will solve all the problems that exist inside of the schools, but it will be one less thing that will factor in. Also, schools could possibly get more funding from outside sponsors if they "look the part".
In schools where the majority of the children are living in poverty, uniforms could take away from a lot of the stress of trying to "compete with the Jones'". Khaki pants and a black top doesn't scream out "My family earns $100,000 per year whereas yours only earns $25,000". What it does is scream out "We are the same and we are here for the same thing, so let's focus on the good things and not the negative ones".
I have a cousin who is totally against schools enforcing uniforms. She's very fashion conscious and is thrilled that her kids have "fly" clothing. Her family is on the lower economic latter, but they find great deals on discout name brand clothes and it seems that what they wear, at times, defines who they are preceived to be. I think this is materialistic, and the problem arizes when she is willig to spend a lot of money on clothing even when there is little or no food in the home. So once again, I have to think that school uniforms will allow for families to spend the money more wisely, and eventually this could assist us in getting out of our financial bottomless pits.
Three pair of black pants, two pair of khaki pants, four to five black polo shirts, and of course socks,t-shirs, and underwear along with two or three pair of nice shoes should tie up a lot of wasted money. And these are clothes that can be passed down to the younger sibblings if their school uses the same uniform colors. If you wash the clothes once a week and really take care of them, they could last the entire school year and save tons and tons on seasonal clothes shopping. And let's be honest...wearing uniforms will teach out children to look professioal, which will help them when they grow up and enter the work force.
There are a lot of positive reasons for supporting uniforms in the schools. A lot more than the ones I've stated.
Here's the Q and A:
1-Do you support uniforms in schools.
2-If so, why?
3-If not, why?
Those are the Questions, now let's hear your answers.
Copyright ©2008 Attica Lundy
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